This really isn't the first Metal post I wanted to write, but as much of my life lately...nothing goes the way I want it. I haven't been listening to heavy metal for all that long, three years. It is not nearly enough time to learn all the ins and outs of heavy metal and the beautiful intricacies within the main genre. However, the one thing I caught on to the fastest was the gatekeeping. Many will probably say I am a newb or not knowledgeable enough to make such a statement, but I will shout it out anyway. IT HAS TO STOP! And the problem isn't just in metal, it is in all kinds of fandoms and hobbies. Metal just happens to be where I see the snobbery the most and it is on my last nerve. The metalhead stereotype isn't really all that accurate. I know many people who look the part, but are some of the kindest, most genuine, generous, intelligent and compassionate human beings on this planet. The issue is that because of this occasional superior intellect, they think it is appropriate to deem what is and isn't good metal or good music taste in general. The snobbery is insane and heartbreaking, just because it isn't something you find joy in, why steal someone else's what does it hurt you? I am not blameless or innocent, I have contributed to this mentality with response like, eww that sucks or what the fuck you listen to that? I need to stop, I am a work in progress. The tipping point from this particular musing came from two separate posts within the SAME group on Facebook. One thread was someone asking about an "appropriate response to a Coldplay song a friend sent" to them. I don't know the OP of that thread, but judging the wording of the post and the thread that followed, OP posted in such a way that it solicited, at first an overwhelming grotesque responses. Now don't read into grotesque thinking I am some kind of prude or innocent, I am not. But these people were saying "kill them," "or there is a special place in hell for Coldplay fans." What the fuck how is that even remotely appropriate? Eventually, many people had their common sense step in and said, "just tell them it's not for you but thanks anyway." How hard is that? It seems the metalhead mentality comes too literally for some. It's awful. Let people enjoy the music they want and keep your snobbery to yourself. The other post from this group that really got under my skin was a meme that said:
"Girls twerk. Real Women headbang."
This wasn't the first time I had seen this post either, but really drove me crazy was this time was the photo that was used make the meme. It was a photo of Heidi Sheperd or Carla Harvey from Butchered Babies. I am not a huge fan and her face wasn't showing, so I don't know which one it was. (Sorry BB fans.) The reason it bothered me was because Heidi and Carla have received a lot criticism for their stage dress and have publicly been like, we don't give a damn what you think, we are gonna rock what is comfortable for us. They fight for female equality in metal and in life, which is another reason for the skimpy stage clothes. Knowing what I do know about those women, I feel if they knew about that meme, they would not go for it. They would take a stand and tell you real women do whatever the fuck they please and real women build other women up. I feel like they would agree with me that the gate keeping needs to stop. If there is no interference in your life, then just let people be happy. So this is the part where some would say I would apologize for the length or the preachiness of this blog post. I will not apologize for either of those. There was a lot to say and it needed to be said. Something I noticed people, particularly women, have been conditioned to do is apologize if our voice or position doesn't sit well with someone. We have to start owning our voices if we want to be confident, constant apology weakens your stance. It also weakens true apologies when they are necessary because it may feel like a habitual apology versus an intentional.
I digress. I want to make commitment here to make a conscious effort to stop gate keeping and just let people enjoy the music, fandoms, hobbies, etc. they want to enjoy regardless if it brings me joy or not.
xo, Felicia Kay.